Can’t find time to read all of those parenting books and magazines? Don’t have a lot of mommy friends to bounce ideas off of? Kids go crazy every time you get on the phone to ask a friend their advice? No problem; I’ll do the work for you!
Each Thursday I bring you kid-tested tips and parenting solutions for a specific parenting challenge “from the mouths of moms.” We’ve already shared lots of tips for dealing with picky eaters, getting kids to sleep better, ensuring stress-free play dates, cooking with kids, and potty training success. Now here are direct quotes from a diverse group of mom bloggers (with kids of all ages and tons of ideas) on PROMOTING SIBLING BONDING. Yep - meet your new mommy friends!
Alright, Mamas, how do you prevent sibling rivalry and encourage sibling love?
1. Teach Respect
“From my own sibling experiences as a twin and younger sister, I would say as a parent (and my mother would agree) foster respect as a parenting goal and that will feed into sibling relationships.” Marnie from Carrots Are Orange
2. Encourage Empathy and Understanding
“Having a sibling is also a perfect way to teach empathy and understanding. There are opportunities almost every day to show my kids the importance of being flexible...you know when they have to leave the playground because their sister has dance class.” Jennifer from Kitchen Counter Chronicles
3. Model Positive Sibling Relationships
“My husband and I are both lucky that we have great relationships with our siblings and still see them on a regular basis. I think showing our children what great friends we are, even now as adults is helpful in promoting positive family relationships.” Deborah from Learn with Play
4. Don’t Leave Anyone Out
“If I see two of the kids playing happily together, I make a point to check on the third to see if this would be a good time to spend time alone with him or her.” MaryAnne from Mama Smiles
5. Take Turns with Dad
“Bedtime for us is quality time, at the moment we're taking turns so one night my husband spends quality time with J whilst I spend it with T and then we swap. They know the pattern and it's obvious when it goes wrong for what ever reason as the following day we have problems.” Cerys from Rainy Day Mum
6. Really Listen
“[I try to] always listen and let them explain and taking their feelings and argument seriously, too.” Maggy from Red Ted Art
7. Find Common Ground
“With a boy who loves trains and a girl who is obsessed with Barbies, it can be hard for them to find common ground and agree on play activities. So I try to pay attention to what activities and toys they do enjoy playing together (like playing house, reading books, or doing puzzles and games) and encourage those activities whenever I can.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
8. Create a Sibling Book
“We created a special sibling book to help build their relationship. It also helps them both to understand the types of activities that they can do together.” Kim from The Educator’s Spin on It (Kim has more great tips for sibling fun here!)
9. Let Them Fight (And Make Up)
“Let your children work out their own battles. I learned a lot about solving my own problems and how to communicate through my sibling rivalries (to this day!!!).” Marnie from Carrots Are Orange
10. Don’t Let Objects Take Priority
“[I] don’t let [my] children prioritize objects over siblings. My kids know that if they fight over something – be it a toy, movie, or computer game – they will lose the privilege of using that particular object.” MaryAnne from Mama Smiles (Read MaryAnne’s other awesome tips for raising kids who get along.)
11. Honor their Individuality
“I have 2 daughters, 8 & 6 years old, so I have always been concerned about sibling rivalry. I have been amazed at all the little differences between my girls. My approach has to be to honor them as individuals, respect their different needs and desires.” Jennifer from Kitchen Counter Chronicles
12. Tune into Interests
“The most important thing I have learned with a teenager and twin toddlers is to tune in to what their likes, dislikes and differences are and try to recognize a little of each with each child most days.” Jodie from Mummy Musings and Mayhem
13. Go on a Date
“DH and I take turns doing special outings with only one or two children - and as they get older we plan to have more parent-child dates.” MaryAnne from Mama Smiles
14. Check Yourself
“I only have 2 kids. But when they are ‘really fighting,’ I try and look at us the parents and see how we have been with them lately. Quite often with mine it is about jealousy about OUR time. So if my son is playing up more, I try and give him extra quality time with me or Daddy or make a fuss of him.” Maggy from Red Ted Art
15. Encourage Communication
“We have a routine at dinner time of asking each other about our favorite and least favorite parts of our day. We get to learn more about one another and even settle some differences (usually related to the least favorite parts of the day). The kids love it and always remind me if we forget.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
16. Sit Back and Relax
“On the days when everyone wants the most attention all at once....I just sit on the lounge and offer cuddles and songs....even the teen joins in!” Jodie from Mummy Musings and Mayhem
17. Promote Family
“I try to talk to my kids often about how we will always have and love one another because we are family. And that even when we get mad at one another or fight, we still love one another.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
Do your kids get along? How do you encourage a positive relationship between siblings?
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What a great resource for parents! I know I will be referring back to this time and time again this summer as my youngest starts to interact more with big sister so we can have a bonding summer! Amanda just shared an adorable gender reveal party that her children created for their new sibling, it's another great way to start sibling bonding during pregnancy. http://theeducatorsspinonit.blogspot.com/2012/06/gender-reveal-party-whats-it-going-to.html
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kim! That gender reveal party is so sweet. I wish now that I had mentioned in the post that I think sibling bonding really starts when the sibling is in the womb!
DeleteI was just talking to my mom about sibling rivalry because my brother and I never ever fought as children. We didn't fight until we were over 18 and in college! I want my kids to have that same relationship, so I am going to have to force them to love each other - haha :-) Seriously, though, I think that honoring each child's individuality is very important. Lots of great tips here!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chrissy. Your mom was so lucky! lol
DeleteYou put these together so beautifully...i really enjoyed reading through them and thanks for adding us in! I'm learning so much from this series of yours!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jode. I couldn't do it without all of you!
DeleteThese are great tips but does anyone have any advice about how to encourage relationship with a new sibling? My son will be 2yrs 2months when his baby brother is born in October. I am concerned about the jealousy issue and also I have to integrate them into the same bedroom!! Any advice would be welcome (esp. from anyone with 2 boys, or a similar age gap)!
ReplyDeleteRachel, my first two were 21 months apart, and my second and third were 19 months apart - so a smaller age gap, but not that different. My biggest tip is to make a big deal about the baby being your first child's younger sibling, and how cool that is - and to praise them for helping with their sibling, and emphasize that the younger sibling is learning from them, because they can do so many neat things that the baby needs to learn how to do.
DeleteOur biggest problem with room sharing is getting a very young sibling to not poke the baby in their crib - not a big problem when they are asleep, but problematic for naps, and sometimes in the morning. We invested in a video monitor so we could keep the bedroom door shut and still keep an eye on the baby during nap time (usually had the toddler nap in my room), and moved all the kids' toys out of their room so that the toddler didn't have much incentive to be in there during nap time.
I love having kids close in age now - they play beautifully, after a tough first six months or so! Good luck!!!
I agree with MaryAnne on emphasizing how the baby will learn from the older kid(s). I think my kids really love the idea that they get to "teach" their baby brother about life. And just making special time for them when the baby naps or when you can get a sitter.
DeleteGreat list. Rachel - I have boys almost exactly the same age difference. My boy was 21 months old when his baby brother was born. We had a big, I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole (there are lots of other good books) that we read to the toddler while I was pregnant, and we talked to him about it a lot. I also made sure to have him be very involved right after the baby was born, and we were very attentive to him-it helped having my mom here for about the first month b/c then there were 3 adults for 2 little ones. That way, we made sure that big brother also got attention. Also, letting him sit next to me and have a snack when I nursed the baby or reading a book with him while I nursed was important b/c that often is when they feel left out. It was sweet - one time the baby was crying and the toddler came up and pulled on my shirt and said, "eat, eat!" Now that the baby is 10 months and my toddler is 2 1/2 - we struggling with sharing, but we just keep encouraging my toddler (it's a possessive age, even when there is no younger sibling) and reading books where characters share. Oh - another thing my toddler always likes is getting to "help" with the baby, so he'll bring a diaper or will get to pick out clothes for the baby. These things help a lot. Also (this was mentioned above), but make sure your 2 year old still gets time just with you! (I usually put the baby to bed, or daddy puts the baby to bed, and then I read and cuddle with my toddler and put him to bed).
ReplyDeleteI am having a ton of Arguments with my 4&1/2 yo and 2 yo boys, I am definitely going to try to teach that people ( each other) are more important than things! Thanks for the great ideas!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Lucy. I hope it helps!
DeleteCan't say enough good things about the book "Siblings without Rivalry" practical tips and big-picture help to create great relationships and a peaceful home.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'll have to go see if my library has that! Thanks for the tip, Becky.
DeleteI have two boys who are 4 and 2.5 years old. I've worked really hard to foster a good relationship between them, and it shows! I always remind them that their brother is their best friend, and that they need to treat them nicely so the brother will want to be their friend. I have also noticed that I need to watch the way I speak to them and treat them more than anything else. If I have been impatient or short tempered with them, they tend to be the same with each other. When I am patient and loving, they are much more patient and loving to each other. They learn how to relate with people through watching their parents, so being a good example is really important!
ReplyDeleteThat's such a good point, Krista, that they learn how to interact with those that they love by watching our example! Great reminder.
ReplyDeletesome really amazing tips here! thanks so much for sharing at tip-toe thru tuesday!
ReplyDeleteI always make my babies (4 & 2) say a prayer together to start the day. They pray to be nice to each other and share their toys :) It really helps and now it is just a part of their little routine.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this list! It has some great ideas!
ReplyDeleteI also think that it's important for parents to expect their kids to get along. When we were expecting boy #2 I was worried when a friend told me her older boy didn't like the baby. She then listed off all the reasons why. When I mentioned to my mom my concerns she said it was a lot of how the parents reacted. As I've been watching my two boys I realize that is a great part of it. If you tell the older brother that the baby is being a pest - he'll believe that and say it too. If you try to reason with the big brother that the baby is trying to be big like him - it's suddenly a totally different situation and big brother doesn't grow up resenting his younger sibling. When people ask I always say they are best friends - even if they're having a rough day. So they always know I think of them as best friends.
My boys don't always get along but over all I would say that we have a serious case of hero worship at our house. But I don't know which is more worshiped - baby brother or big brother. It really makes me happy to watch them together. Hopefully they'll stay good friends as they grow up.